We’ve been married for 8 months now…and the questions have already started pouring in
“Any good news?” “Whats new?” “Any developments?” “Khush khabri kab de rahe ho?”
I dare not say im not feeling well…even for the slightest headache or common cold…or the words will me misinterpreted.. So have to be damn careful.
However I feel we need to spend time together first….kids will follow….moreover we need to settle in a place first and then think of going the family way……just don’t want to give logic to people so I just smile….or on the phone say hmmm (Thanks to the inventor of Hmmmm…the savior word.) :)
I saw 3 cute little puppies in my dream. 1 a pure white/snow white puppy 1 a jet black puppy 1 a black puppy with some white patches
And though the white pup was adorable, I refused to take the white pup saying that it will need a lot of care………..and that I’ll have to keep it shining white always…so I chose the two black puppies…………..and they were really really cute little puppies.
In the train today morning. Two little girls with their mom sitting right opposite me. Elder one 3yrs and younger one almost 1yr.
The elder one was eating a chocolate and till then the younger one was looking out at the scenery outside.
Just then the 1 yr old saw her elder sis eating something.She cried aloud and lunged forward and tried to take the chocolate away. The 3yr old pulled back her hand just in time..and sat a little further away.
The 1yr old continued whining and was in tears now every now and then pointing at the chocolate and crying.
Now the 3yr old ….was in no mood to share this ….and within seconds….and looking as innocent as possible …she looked away and gulped the chocolate whole chocolate bar down as fast as she could…..i couldn’t belive how fast!!
Their mother was laughing and I was smiling.
What followed was that the 3yr old put both her hands forward, palms up and gestured to the younger sis ……..as if saying “I have nothing” (Who says kids are innocent???)
The little one held her palms, examined for some time and then wept aloud....the elder sis smiling all the time.
Soon thereafter something else caught the attention of the 1yr old and she forgot all about the chocolate..
Now smiling, her eyes were still moist and the tears were still running down the cheeks…however the baby had moved on to other things.
My Mother's mother has 7 kids. I salute to Nani.............7 kids..one after the other .....and Nani is today (TOUCHWOOD)..healthy, hale and hearty. That sure needs great will power...and guts and confidence and so many things...
Oh God!!!Pls give the will power to atleast produce 2...so i can proclaim 'Hum do Hamare Do' someday.
Im praying now: "Humko mann ki (aur tann ki) shakti dena....."
When I was a little kid and would be down with fever, mummy would put the mercury thermometer in my mouth and just to keep me occupied count till hundred aloud. “ek, do, teen………….” And on hundred she would take the thermometer out and check the reading.
It was always like this.
So somehow I came under the impression that when the thermometer was in, the counting had to be done “ek do teen……saw”…till hundred.
And so I got worried… "how will I do it for my kids?", i thought……………and thought and thought…and thought so much because I had still not learnt hindi counting till hundred…..i just knew it till dus (ten)!!
Im afraid of darkness…..and during these days I sleep with the lights on..i hardly sleep at all… And yesterday I woke up at 2 in the night shouting HELP…was sweating and panting……..HELP. .till I realized that I was at home safe and sound..sleeping in the cozy bed…
There has to be some way to overcome this fear……when I become Mommy in the future how will my kids cope?? I would want them to be fearless and bold.. But before that I have to get over being scared by darkness/staying alone………
And some 4 days before ..there was thunder and lightning..believe me the sound of thunder was like Bombs crashing on our roof….i was alone…and in tears.
Both these times I dozed off towards the morning after reciting the Hanuman Chalisa endless times!!
Will I ever grow up??I mean I have never seen my Mother behaving like this..she has always been the fearless Mom. Will I ever grow up?? If yes, it should be soon ..sooner than I become Mommy.
Will I ever outgrow the fear of darkness/being alone??
Easy question, easy answer…but I still feel I don’t know what the right time will be…I mean I feel like being a mother but the very thought of makes me a bit uncomfortable and nervous…….conceiving…and then the wait for 9 months…don’t really know how all of it will turn out..so many doubts….and whether I will do fine and the little life inside me will do fine .. etc etc.
My friend often tease me by saying that there is no need to plan kids..God will just give them to you one day and Lo and Behold you shall be pregnant.